we're blogging at a bar
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
