You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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