I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
