And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
