yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
