My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize