Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
