As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
