i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize