You're my little dorito
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
don't judge my taste in strippers
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
