Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
