is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How's work?
Spinning.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
