He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
