That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
