"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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