He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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