weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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