well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize