i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Even my vagina gasped.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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