So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
NoShamevember. You game?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
