remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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