So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
