paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize