y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
