you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
