Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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