let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
