Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
