mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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