I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
