I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
