I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I puked a lego.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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