What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
