god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
