I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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