I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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