turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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