wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The adults are the big ones right?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
