similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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