CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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