Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
