Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
