College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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