NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
