I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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