I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
