It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize