had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
