guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
