Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
