Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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