i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
