Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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