so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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