This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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