She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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