she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize