We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
