I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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