the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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