You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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