4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i would punch a child for taco bell
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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