My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
