How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize