There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
