he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
