and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
