So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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