I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize