no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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