I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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