The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
