is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Farmville is her only friend.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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