If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
