You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
