Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
