Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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