Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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