Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
should my penis look like a turkey
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
