is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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