You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
