a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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