me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
