someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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