I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize