Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
