yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
