im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
